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Oh, Those Sassy Decorating “Experts”!

Why I do this?  Last time I did, it took my husband two weeks to get me out of the laundry room corner.  Why do I torture my fragile ego with magazine articles which ultimately make me feel domestically inadequate?  The latest culprit?  “Bedroom Design Don’ts: Ten typical mistakes people make when designing a bedroom”.

 No more. From now on, I’m talking back to the “experts” who obviously don’t have kids, dogs or carpool duties. Besides, the corner in my laundry room is unreachable as I’m a wee bit behind on laundry. (My responses are in parenthesis.)

1. Don’t Go Color Crazy (In this house, I don’t need something as common as Color to make me crazy.)

2. Don’t Overlook the Ceiling.  Do you see a bland, blank surface as you lie in bed gazing up at the ceiling? (No, I see a ceiling fan in desperate need of dusting and two burned out light bulbs.)  If so, you’re not alone. Everyone ignores the ceiling (for good reason).  Instead, make it a celebrated space! (The only “celebrated space” in my house is one in which my kids can’t find me.) A gauzy canopy and a glamorous chandelier on the ceiling provide a treat for the eyes as you lay in bed. (So would a poster of a sparkling clean car interior but that’ll never happen.)

3. Don’t Choose Out-of-Scale Furniture.  (I “choose” whatever my parents and in-laws handed down to me.)

4. Don’t Skimp on Storage.  When you picture a private sanctuary, do you envision piles of newspapers and overstuffed drawers?  (No I picture a private beachside cabana on a remote island with a butler named Sven who by day is a masseuse and by night, gourmet chef and wine steward). Clutter equals stress, so the bedroom should be clutter-free. (Okay, I really want to make a wisecrack husband comment, but I’ll refrain.)

5. Don’t Overcrowd It.  Again, refraining from husband comment.

6. Don’t Forget a Cozy Sitting Spot.  A sumptuous sitting area helps turn the bedroom into a private escape. (And by “sumptuous” you mean a pile of unfolded towels and Socks Without Partners on the bachelor barcolounger in the corner?)

7. Don’t Leave Yourself in the Dark. Use accent lighting, in the form of wall sconces, torchieres or art lights, to add drama, wash the room in soft illumination and lend a cozy, welcoming vibe. (The last thing I need in my house is more drama.)

8. Don’t Forget to Indulge in Luxurious Linens. The bedroom, more than any other space in your home, should be a tactile wonderland. (Again, the pile of unfolded towels and Socks Without Partners.)

9. Don’t Shortchange Windows. Heavy, opaque curtains let you block it out sunlight for luxurious weekend sleep-ins.  (Sleep Whats?)

10. Don’t Bring the Everyday Into the Bedroom.  Check your cell phone and laptop at the bedroom door. Consider losing the TV.  (I lost it already.  Under a pile of socks.)


Karen Rinehart's columns appear Sundays in the Independent Tribune. Her website is KarenJRinehart.com.


  • Kathleen Woodman

    Hilarious. One thing I’d change, though. I’d kick Sven the butler off my remote island. Just sayin.