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When Gay “Marriage” Affects Your Family

ssmOn June 26, 2013, the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) was struck down in a five- to- four decision by the United States Supreme Court. Gay activists south of the border were overjoyed. Here in Canada, it was just another marriage equality day since our Supreme Court redefined marriage with the passing of the Civil Marriage Act on July 20, 2005. Major cities have just hosted or will soon be hosting the spectacle otherwise known as the Gay Pride Parade, including Toronto and New York City.

Many people are rightfully concerned about the redefinition of marriage and its negative consequences on society but the issue is still removed from their personal lives. For others, gay “marriage” hits very close to home as gay family members get “married” and look for the support and acceptance of their relatives.

But what if you’re against same-sex “marriage”? What if your Catholic Christian beliefs cause division in your family? What if you choose your religion over family harmony?

Six years ago, two of my extended family members – my side of the family, not my husband’s side – decided it was time that the rest of us officially accept their same-sex partners as part of the extended family. Everyone agreed. Everyone except me. I calmly and charitably explained that although I loved my extended family members, I would not recognize their same-sex unions because of my Catholic beliefs. The fallout from my statement was upsetting as some of my relatives were furious at my uncompromising stance. They felt I should set aside my beliefs for the sake of keeping the peace. The hardest part was realizing that I didn’t have any allies among my extended relatives and it caused a rift which still exists today.

Those of us who have chosen our religious convictions over family harmony have been accused of being homophobic, fanatic, out-of-touch, narrow-minded, hateful. For some people one or more of those words may apply, but for others, our decision to follow Christ instead of giving in to family pressure is rooted in charity – love of God first and love of neighbor, including family members who are in same-sex marriage and those who support them.

When a person abides by the Gospel at the expense of the family, many challenges arise. One priest with whom I spoke said that family members who refuse to recognize the same-sex unions of their relatives experience much difficulty. He has counseled many parents who don’t know how to handle the news that their children are in a same-sex relationship. I know siblings who have stopped speaking to each other because of it. Jesus’ words resound: “For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law; and one’s foes will be members of one’s own household.” (Matt.10: 35-36) Families that are divided over same-sex unions live His words every day.

It’s not easy to say no when the rest of our family has a different opinion and many anguished moments result. The last thing any of us wants to do is hurt the ones we love but they will inevitably be upset and angry when we disagree with them.  Our conduct must be one of forbearance, forgiveness and charity, bearing in mind that we do not have the right to judge, condemn, vilify or hate because we too are sinners in need of God’s mercy and the plank in our eye may be bigger than the one in theirs.

When faced with this situation, it’s important to seek guidance. I sought advice from a few good priests who helped me through a very difficult time and I confided in close, supportive friends. My husband and children stood by me and as a result, my kids were strengthened in their religious conviction to uphold the Gospel first.

Pope Benedict said that “the truth is not decided by popular opinion.” His words ring true especially when the popular opinion is within the family. But it’s exactly for the sake of our family that the truth must be proclaimed in charity and lived without compromise. We hurt our family more when we make concessions and buckle to pressure in an effort to keep worldly peace. We may be the only beacon of light for family members living in the sin of same-sex lifestyle. Through our example, self-sacrifice and prayers, by God’s grace they may one day experience healing through a conversion of heart and have authentic peace – the peace of Christ.

 

This article originally appeared in Catholic Insight and is used with permission.


Terry McDermott blogs at http://8kidsandabusiness.wordpress.com.  She has been married for 27 years to a man of great integrity and is the proud, tired mom of 6 young men and 2 beautiful young women, ages 24 – 10. She enjoys being her parish’s First Communion catechist. She is a Registered Nurse and a nurse-entrepreneur owner of a nursing foot care business.  St. Joseph, St. Therese, St. Gianna, St. Monica and St. Camillus de Lellis are her go-to saints, along with Our Blessed Mother. She tries to live a life centered on the Gospel through prayer and service. In all things, she strives to be grateful to God and reminds herself daily that “everything is grace” (St.Therese).


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  • 54321Now

    Put yourself in the shoes of the family members with whom you disagree. It is not your place to forgive them, but, rather it is their place to forgive you. When you pray that “they may one day experience healing through a conversion of heart and have authentic peace — the peace of Christ,” aren’t you really praying for peace for yourself and your own broken heart? Cry for yourself dear author: you have hurt yourself.

    • Struble

      Clever attempt to turn the tables. But it doesn’t work, “54321now.” God comes first, and his ordinances. We repent of sin, not of our righteous stands.

      • 54321Now

        Please refer to my reply to CDville above. By disregarding one’s neighbor (in this case family), one disregards God.

        • jcsmitty

          There’s a huge difference between loving your neighbor and enabling him in sin. It is not always easy to witness to the truth, but Jesus never said it would be easy.

    • CDville

      Distance and separation are inevitable. The question is, from whom? From our blood relatives or from God? If they have chosen to cleave to the world and separate from God, we are not obligated to follow just because we are related by blood.

      • 54321Now

        Separating oneself from one’s brothers and sisters (blood relatives) is the same as separating oneself from God. We are all in relationship to each other. We are all created in the image and likeness of God.

        From Matthew’s gospel:

        42 For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, 43 I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.’

        44 “They also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’

        45 “He will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’

        So do not turn your back on the family with whom you disagree. They are the strangers whom you have chosen to not invite in. Instead, engage them. Share in their joys and sufferings. Then you will be able to live life abundantly rather than in scarcity.

  • northface

    The Pharisees would be very proud of you, I’m sure.

    • Me

      Why?

  • Ben @ Two Catholic Men Blog

    People don’t see the big picture. The government is a kind of teacher with great influence. Public institutions shape our ideas and ideas have consequences. In legalizing SSM, governments are firmly “teaching” that marriage and procreation have no link. This further extends sexual confusion & sin in our country and thus accentuates all its effects (STD’s, abortion, single parenthood, etc, etc, etc). Removing the rational basis for a norm will erode adherence to that norm.

  • goral

    Canada is a decade or two ahead of us when it comes to perversion.
    We’re gaining ground fast and soon our abomination and fall will be as great as Niagara Falls. The bridal veil will soon veil not virtue but aberration.

    How did we get here? How did we lose this sensible, natural and sacred union?
    We lost it by first tolerating, then accepting and now blessing depravity as something happy and gay.
    We lost too many battles to affect change in the direction of goodness and sanity. The double-gated crusaders first appealed to tolerance and the effeminate public said, Yes! we must be tolerant.

    Of course, it wasn’t going to stop there, it will continue until there is superiority and preferential treatment for the debased and decadent freaks of nature. The logical and ultimate end of little perversion is complete and unbridled perversion.

    Can we bring natural and virtuous man back? Absolutely! but not without winning back the territory that we lost. We can start with words and language first. The word sodomite is still in the dictionary and the bible.

    Let’s call sodomites, well…..sodomites.

    • Struble

      I agree with you, Goral, about calling a spade a spade. But what’s with your use of the word “we?” We’re being steamrollered by “them.”

      • goral

        No, Bob, I don’t have a mouse in my pocket. Fighting the enemy as “them” ultimately fails. It creates camps and causes the vast undecided middle to join “them” as they feel less threatened. Those of us (I’ve just avoided using “we”) who are right minded need them to give our cause public recognition.

        There is the highest Christian example of this in Christ taking “them” and their sins upon himself just as if He himself was to blame. That of course included our sins, too.

        Solidarity took root because Fr. Popieluszko would preach from the pulpit that ‘we are to blame for what is happening to us’
        He would say that we are dishonest and deceitful and therefore give them power. This enraged the authorities to the point of murdering him.
        The psychology being used against us is one of division. We (sorry) have a skillful, skinny tyrant using it against us right now.
        It’s an old trick but the vast, unwashed middle falls for it every time. When I say we, I don’t mean to necessarily lay blame but rather to lay the groundwork for us going on the offensive and start enlisting foot soldiers rather than to help the enemy further divide us.
        You are the kind of skillful user of the pen that we need to move forward. Your ideas are constructively revolutionary.
        If Solidarity did it, why can’t we?

        • Struble

          Great man, Fr. Popieluszko. It’s an interesting theory that sins can cross pollinate. Does that mean that when a boy steals a pencil, he is to blame for genocides inflicting by governments? According to this line of thinking, all the persecutions from the emperors Nero through Diocletian were the Christians’ fault. Shame on them; they must have committed some pretty awful sins to cause the lions to devour the saints.

          • goral

            I don’t see how what I stated or inferred would lead you to stretch my statements to such quantum leap conclusions.
            The boy who steals a pencil is responsible for a stolen pencil and perhaps the victim’s ire. Ultimately the victim is responsible for his own ire.
            Some powers we have allowed the gov’t to take from us, others the gov’t usurped.

            Fr. Popieluszko was saying that we need to take care of our contribution to the problem. The rest will be handled by someone else. A free man can be enslaved physically for a time but he never stops thinking as a free man.
            We, they, most people in this country have developed a slavish mentality.
            We desperately need a revolution, a change.

          • Struble

            Ok, Goral. We’re on the same track if I read you correctly.

          • goral

            Yay!

    • cfish

      The deeper problem is that ‘we’ have allowed sex to be disconeccted from procreation and until we can be begin to restore that balance everthing else will continue to flow in the direction it has, because of the natural consequences of philosephy and thought. ‘we’ need to convicnce every catholic the contraception is wrong and that would go a LONG way to fixing the problem. After and maybe while ‘we’ clean our own house, we also need to start extolling the virtues of ‘organic birth control’ from a medical and moral prespective to anyone who will listen.

  • RoverSerton

    This makes me proud to be a loving atheist. Turning way family (real) to hold the traditions of ancient sheep herders and a loving god (imaginary), is so sad. Sorry but your ethics don’t pass muster. Your god murdered children, women, endorced slavery, never taught people about soap (that would have saved millions), yet persecutes people for who they love AND, you join him in the persecution. Shameful.

    • Allan B

      So an imaginary god has been murdering people? Ah, the logic of the self-proclaimed Brights. Brilliant post, RoverSerton.

      • RoverSerton

        We can be in complete agreement if you agree he’s imaginary. I’m just for family that can hug and love you vs. a god that doesn’t (but could if he wanted?).

        • Frank Brandon

          Who cares about family and hugs. As an atheist, the fact that somebody is suppose to be closer to me just because the same two people brought them into this world makes no sense. I would rather spend time with like minded people and give them a hug. As a person of logic, It just makes no sense that 2 incompatible creatures would consider themselves joined.

        • Allan B

          Sorry, I may not be a rational Bright like you, but I can’t agree that an imaginary being murders people. However, like you, I am in favor of family that can hug and love, but I don’t put them up against God, who does love us (fine, he doesn’t hug us, but neither do my relatives when they are not bodily present with me). But our duty lies first with the God who created us and who is perfect love personified, then with family. You have it backwards, and so does the author’s family, who abandoned God (and Terry for being faithful to God) for an artificial peace that is not really love at all, but a desire not to bother with correction or confrontation, just a live-and-let-live, regardless of the consequences for the people involved. Because hey, as long as it doesn’t affect me, who cares, right? Is that what you consider love?

          • RoverSerton

            Thanks for the well stated thoughts. I really don’t like being called names but so be it. I don’t have it backwards IMO. Family is the most important thing. Period. But, for Terry to teach her children to turn against family because of who they love is sad indoctrination. What do you consider love? People that treat you well, hug you, support you? I think this is a pretty good indication. God has given Man the silent treatment since Job, with the exception of him talking during Jesus’s baptism via John. Describe the Love you get from God, if you would, that is better and more important than your wife and kids love.

          • Allan B

            What name-calling? Perhaps I was generalizing, but atheists generally consider themselves more rational than believers, and some of them have indeed referred to themselves as Brights. Those aren’t our terms, they’re yours. But I suppose I was using them sarcastically, so I apologize.

            You are mis-stating what happened. Terry DID NOT “teach her children to turn against family”. If you read more carefully (I’m assuming you didn’t mis-represent her on purpose) you will see that it was Terry who expressed and stood by her beliefs, while the family turned against her.

            “What do you consider love? People that treat you well, hug you, support you? I think this is a pretty good indication.” – It CAN be a good indication, but not necessarily. Loving another is to will that person’s good, not for what you will get out of it, but for the person’s own sake. So just going along with someone’s harmful behavior because you don’t feel like arguing or are worried the person will get upset, is not love, but indifference. “I don’t care what happens to you, what harm you bring upon yourself, just so long as I don’t have to get involved or get harmed.” Not love at all.
            God has most certainly NOT given Man the silent treatment since Job. Everything Jesus said was from the mouth of God. What the heck more do you want, a booming voice from the sky telling you when you’re screwing up? Man was indeed screwing up, and God lowered himself to being born into Mankind, from a woman, to show us what we were to do. Was he merciful and forgiving? Absolutely, to those who repented. But he also didn’t shy away from calling sin, sin. That’s the love of God (not to mention our very existence of course, the fact we have a beautiful home with sunsets, trees, waterfalls, etc. to live in).

          • RoverSerton

            re: Terry: she stated her Husband and children support her. I don’t know the age of the children. If they are adult, fine, if they aren’t, it is indoctrination.

            I don’t consider myself near as “Bright” as Patrick Madrid, Bob Dunning, Patrick Coffin or a host of others on EWTN, but, unlike them, I have no superstitions. Pat and Mattt Archbold might be smart but they are just vindictive.

            You didn’t answer the question of why your God’s love is more important that that of you wife and childrens. It has been a long day and I hope I didn’t gloss over it. My wife and kids are the most important to me and real.

            re: your last statement, I hate to bring up the “problem of evil”. Yes, the world is very beautiful. It would be nicer without Mosquitoes, earthquakes, AIDS, Malaria, 2 year olds with cancer that die without ever having a good day, those parts point to an evil vs a good god. (please don’t mention the fall since misquitoes, earthquakes, and Malaria predate it).

            This is not an insincere question. Please give me your best ONE reason to believe in any god, and, if possible, why Yahweh is that god. This is not insincere. When Leah converted (unequally yolked) to RCC, it was not for a logical reason, it was from the heart. Nothing that could be transferred or used for general conversions. My wife is a Catholic and I would love to join her if there was any way of not feeling like a hypocrite going to church. She is a cradle catholic btw so she has no reason to believe other than tradition. I can’t believe in 2+2=5 or a god, because neither make sense.

            Any thoughts?

          • Allan B

            Now, if you re-read your post, do you see why I might make a snarky comment about rational Brights? Atheists seem to have this assumption that believers are idiots who believe 2+2=5, or that we believe merely because of tradition rather than having thought it through, or worse yet by indoctrination (as if children are incapable of any rational thought whatsoever). Why is it called indoctrination when you teach your children about your faith, but education when you teach them science, or literature, or grammar? You bring some pretty heavy condescension into this, then complain that you’re being called names when I refer to you as a “rational Bright”?

            re: Problem of evil – so you can only believe in God if you are already living in heaven? Why do you expect the world to be perfect? There are lots of reasons the world is an imperfect place full of evil, pain, and suffering, but if you want to make it simple, narrow it down to one reason: you. Look in the miror; that’s why there’s suffering in the world. (Of course, I can do the same thing on my end just as well.) We all want the freedom to do what we want, rather than be God’s puppets, but with that freedom comes the ability to do evil. There will be a time when Good and Evil are separated forever (heaven and hell), but until that time, they co-exist. Nevertheless, God can bring good things out of evil. So a 2-year old dying of cancer, is quite clearly an evil, yet good can come out of it. Perhaps the parents learning what real love is, loving a child who will never be able to give them anything back in return, will never make them proud at graduation, or give them grand-children, or whatever. By caring for the child, they can learn to love purely for the sake of the one being loved, and in that way, they learn to love like God, because there is nothing we can give God that he doesn’t already have. The same with our own sufferings, whether they be small like mosquito bites, or big like natural disasters. Perhaps the sufferings we endure, if we reflect on them, will make us more aware of the sufferings we inflict on others in our daily lives. Evil is evil, but a believer can take something good out of that evil. The atheist is just left with the evil.

            re: best ONE reason to believe in God, I’ll start a second post, as this is getting long.

          • Allan B

            re: the best ONE reason to believe in God, that’s a tough one. Off the top of my head, if I had to pick one reason to believe in God, it would be that he exists. I know, you want proof of that, but I can’t offer you a scientific formula. I can point out that Jesus is God, and that many of his followers witnessed the miracles he performed, and were so convinced that they went to their deaths rather than renounce Him. Mankind has seen the face of God, and many have testified to it with their lives. Secular historians wrote about the person of Jesus, and his followers wrote about his miracles and stuck by their testimony through torture and death. Jesus didn’t just walk out of the desert and say “I’m God, believe in me”, he established his credentials by performing public miracles.
            re: feeling like a hypocrite by going to church – I suspect you and I are similar in wanting to be thorough and understand everything, cross the t’s and dot the i’s. But you’ll never be able to do it, it’s just too much. Similar to: you believe in the laws of physics, without understanding them thoroughly and performing the experiments yourself, because you trust those who came before you to have done their work properly. In the same way, we trust that the martyrs (Greek for “witnesses”) died for things they really did witness, and were accurate in passing along what they had learned of God; and learning about God ourselves, we trust that what He taught His disciples about Himself was really true. Yes, there’s faith involved, but there’s also reason underpinning everything. At a certain point, we see that things really do make sense (so we don’t believe 2+2=5), and though we’ll never understand everything in our limited lifespans, we have faith that what we don’t yet understand will also make sense.
            If you want a logical walk through the faith, the best resource I can think of is to read the Catechism of the Catholic Church. It will walk you through the fundamental beliefs of the Catholic Church, along with a lot of the “why” behind those beliefs. I think you can get it for tablets and phones if you don’t want to buy a big book, or read it free over the internet.

          • RoverSerton

            Thanks for the thoughtful reply. Unfortunately, just because he exists because he exists is empty for conversions.

            Look in the mirror to know he exists is also empty.

            I will remain outside church because of the hypocrite angle. Physics make sense. Killing your son, punishing people for not loving Jesus enough, Biblical genocide. Virgin birth, Reanimation (and his apostles not recognizing him), Damascus walk, Pauls/Sauls conversion. Those do not make sense to my mind.

            I will burn in your hell (and my wife and you will gaze down and enjoy viewing it per some scholars) if god exists. But my plan is to just not exist like the previous 14.7 billion years of my past.

            Been interesting, have a great life! But, per the article, Family is real and important. Love them, Hug them, and get along at Thanksgiving dinners. (and cheer for the Lions since they really don’t have a prayer).

            Rover.

          • RoverSerton

            As an afterthought, Unless there is proof of a god, there is no reason (thru reason) to go further in research of god (s). I have read much of the Catholic Catechism (but have sadly not seen the recently released one in english. I teach my wife (who, btw, KNEW we were invalidly married (so she doesn’t need an annulment if we ever divorce!)) about the catholic religion. We tried to get married in the catholic church but, due to my job, could not make all the pre-cana classes in Saginaw MI.

            by the way, I was not name dropping in the previous post, I’ve talked to Patrick Madrid, Bob Dunning and Dr .Ray Grady. And Bowzer from Sha Na Na and Tony Curtis. John Lennon told me to never name drop! (LOL)

            I use the name Rover because of my church affiliations in Lansing MI to not alienate those that I work with in missions. I do alot of stained glass (gratis) and mission work locally. I love many christian people and am would be embarrassed for them to realize I don’t believe as they do.

            Such is the life of a non believer. Hated by many. The new Gay.

          • RoverSerton

            Allan, I truely apologize!!! The 2+2=5 was not meant to imply you were stupid, it was to imply without logic, I can’t believe something. I am so sorry if I implied you couldn’t do simple math!!! Also, as in pascals wager, I can’t say I believe something without commitment. Sorry for any offense!

          • Terri

            God is the very first family: Father, Son and Holy Spirit. God /is/ family. He cannot be separated from it. It /IS/ His nature. Respectfully, you’re extremely ignorant of basic theology…and even more self-righteous and judgmental. Ironic.

    • Brian Kerzetski

      What “muster” are you comparing her ethics to? And how do you know what her ethics are? There was no discussion of ethics, just morals. I’m afraid the rest of your comment just portrays a sad state of ignorance. There are many materials available on the subject of Christianity. I would suggest you check them out so you won’t look so foolish in future posts.

      • RoverSerton

        Ethics and Morals both are differences between right and wrong. Ethics refers to those ideas from an external source (i.e. bible), morals are individual. The ethics I refered to were your Gods as seen in the bible, not hers. Thanks for the kind words.

        Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company. Mark Twain.

    • jcsmitty

      I’ve read these same exact talking points over and over on the internet. You forgot to mention the “tooth fairy” analogy. Better go back and re-read your notes.

  • poetcomic1

    If there is an uncle in your family who cohabits with his ‘girlfriend’ and he and the girlfriend come to a family party would you refuse to shake their hands, turn your back on them etc? Either way it iis unkind. There are few in this world who attain true love of neighbor but kindness is within our reach. Of course, you would not attend a same-sex wedding (neither would I) because that directly involves affirming a sinful arrangement. As for mixing with sinners – Our Lord did.

    • Jane

      There is a difference in, as you say, “refusing to shake their hands, turn your back on them,” and in offering them a shared bedroom if they are staying over at your home. One can be cordial, friendly, and loving in words and deeds without going all out and blessing what God doesn’t bless. Don’t throw the baby out with the bath water.

      • poetcomic1

        Of course.

  • TheodoreSeeber

    It occurs to me that I’ve never ever seen an article from the opposite point of view.

    No SSM couple ever worries about what their choices mean to their family, only straight couples worry about such things.

    • eddiestardust

      That seems to be true

  • URSULARICHES

    I had a similar experience with 2 friends of mine being in a relationship. It was not same sex. The woman was married with grown up twins and another child, all with their own children. She said her sex life was nil aged (60) but was living with her husband who was very pleasant and kind and she admitted that SHE made no effort in their marriage. She found her hubbie dull and boring I think.

    My other friend was a charmer like the Irish often are and had been married, he had 2 grown children& had been divorced for a long time & possibly would have qualified for an anullment, I could not bear to see them together and HAD to see them apart, it made me feel SO bad. He is married now to someone else never previously married and I am SO glad. The married lady does not want to know me. I really think the adultery offended me THAT much I felt totally uncomfortable & hated to be with them when they were together. Please use this example to illustrate that it is not a hatred of people even of people who live a sinful lifestyle which is offensive to us but rather the lifestyle itself.

  • Vanessa

    Since you calmly and charitably explained that you love them, you can have a clear conscience. This is not the same attitude that they showed you. What you did was what was best, not only in view of your own salvation, but theirs as well. Although things are not so good relationship-wise right now, some may eventually come around…even at the moment of death, in response to your strong witness. To have caved in order to “keep the peace” would have also put others’ souls in jeopardy, by salving their consciences.
    Hopefully, it won’t be long until you can “decide that it is time for the rest of the family” to accept you and your religious convictions, loving you as you love them.Hopefully, they can learn to “agree to disagree” and still keep the peace.
    Point out that, although they obviously disagree with your religious convictions, that doesn’t keep you from loving them…therefore, your disagreement with your relatives’ SSMs should not keep them from being at peace with you.
    Hopefully something can be worked out, if not with the couples,at least with the
    rest of the family. Why should they be strongarmed to reject you for having your own beliefs and convictions just as they do? That is sheer intolerance! Surely people can disagree and maintain some level of relationship.

  • Frank

    Homosexual lifestyle is not permitted in my home. My son has chosen to live the lifestyle. He alone is invited in my home. He choose not to visit unless he has the current live-in. I came in to this world alone, and I alone will face my Creator. Yes, the choices are many on earth, but I believe I have only two in the life after…Heaven or Hell. Heaven is my goal. Sometimes it feels like it is Hell on earth during the lonely holidays, but God always bring me through with His companionship and grace. He even gives me enough grace to pray for the salvation of my son’s soul. From past experience, I know some of the readers will say, “You have no right to judge your son.” I am not judging him. God does. But I have a responsibility to tell the Truth. It is my Faith.

    • Bubba Jones

      Frank? What if you’re wrong?

      What if your son chose nothing? What if homosexuality is as inborn as skin color, or height?

      What if you’re focusing on ancient tribal rules that have no bearing on society today? Do you keep Levitican law on food and clothing? Do you treat women like second-class citizens – as Paul did?

      Because… if only one of these things is true, you needn’t continue shunning your son. I would suggest that the truly Christian thing is complete acceptance of your son. Unconditional love. God gave you a child, you shared in creation with Him. That is an incredible blessing. Perhaps your son’s sexual inclination is no more significant than the color of his eyes.

      Let our Lord be the judge, in His good time. You can’t lose that way, Frank. Please consider it.

      • jcsmitty

        Sounds to me like the son is shunning the father, not the other way around. The son is welcome in his father’s home, but refuses to come unless the father compromises HIS principles.

        Your talking points tempt the father to choose his son’s sick lifestyle over God. How come you don’t think the son should respect the father’s faith and simply keep communication open?

        A close friend of mine was in the exact same situation that the article talks about. Her granddaughter decided to “marry” her female lover, and my friend’s family let it be known that if she didn’t attend the “wedding” they would be angry at her. I regret to say my friend caved and attended the sham wedding for the sake of peace in the family.

        She had a chance to witness to the truth but did not have the courage to stand up for her faith. It never seemed to occur to her that her children and granddaughter didn’t respect HER faith.

        I have two nieces. One of them, though baptized Catholic, got married by a justice of the peace. I refused to attend because it was not a real marriage and I would not be a hypocrite by pretending it was. My other niece lives with a female lover. They have not suggested marriage, but if they did I would refuse to attend that also, even though my family still disagrees with my not attending the first niece’s heterosexual illicit marriage. We still communicate and share holidays at my brother’s house, but if it meant an estrangement because of my principles, then so be it.

        Bottom line: why should Christians have to compromise THEIR beliefs and risk sinning against God just so those who oppose God’s law can be affirmed in their sin? At the very least, those insisting on “gay marriage” should not expect others to witness to something they find an abomination. It’s called living a lie.

        • Susan Mathis

          If I may interject a principal that separates this issue from sex, I have a similar situation in my own family. My 21 year old son is sometimes involved in activities that I cannot support, though they are legal. For example, smoking. I do not judge him for smoking, it is his own business. However, he may not do it in my house or on my property. He is welcome to come to my home anytime, but without the cigarettes. Do I have the right to decide if I want to not have something that I consider unhealthy in my home?

          • Bubba Jones

            I assume that your son is not in a loving relationship with tobacco. People are not things. People are not vices. People do not pollute the air by their presence.

            And – I’d be very, very worried about my son smoking. There is a genuinely dangerous behavior. Think about how its practitioners usually end up.

          • Susan Mathis

            I am very concerned about my son smoking, and have offered to get him help to quit. Unfortunately, he appeared to be genetically inclined toward addictive behavior. I try not to preach, but I also let him know that I considered what he is doing harmful and unhealthy. Unfortunately, the peer group that he is in maintains that the behavior is acceptable, and the law “condones” it by allowing it to be legal.

            For the record, everything that I have just stated is also true about homosexual behavior (not inclination).

          • Bubba Jones

            I wish your son the very best, and hope he’s able to overcome the smoking.

            God bless.

            Bubba

          • jcsmitty

            You don’t think homosexuality is a “dangerous behavior?” Most gay men die very young from AIDS and other diseases related to their behavior. I don’t know off the top of my head what the age is, but I believe it’s somewhere in the 40s or so. I’ll have to look it up. In any case, there’s a greater danger: to his soul!

            You seem to have a double standard, Bubba.

          • Terri

            “There is a genuinely dangerous behavior. Think about how its practitioners usually end up.”

            This is just one of many documents available with a quick search: http://www.frc.org/get.cfm?i=Is01B1

        • Bubba Jones

          “He alone is invited in my home. He choose not to visit unless he has the current live-in.”

          My point was that Frank’s understanding of his own faith may be narrow and in error.

        • Frank

          jcsmitty
          Thanks for your reply. I can see you also hold a small candle. Now if we can get a few more…. We’ll light up the world to the TRUTH.

      • Frank

        Bubba
        You have a lot of “what if’s” in your reply. Sorry, but there is no medical proof anyone is born and forced to live the lifestyle of a homosexual, pedophile, or any other dysfunctional lifestyle. There may be inclinations, but we have choices to make in life–to accept or reject. I made choices to accept the Catholic Faith based on Scriptures, Tradition, and Magisterium as my guide. Our Faith is like a three legged stool—can’t have one without the other. It becomes useless.
        I accept my son with all the love a parent can give; I do not accept his lifestyle in my home. Doors are always open without the lifestyle.
        Bubba, I have no idea what sex you choose to sexually bond. Is this your private affair? I would hope so. Maybe if my son was also more private about his sexual encounters I would have no need to keep it out of my house. Friends of the same sex I welcome in to my home. I have a few myself.
        The Lord does not wait to judge in “His good time.” He judges us every minute of our time on earth. Sometimes he uses good old folk like me to be a shining small candle in a large dark coliseum. It is difficult to keep the wick burning, but it is seen from every seat. Be sure my son sees it also. If he didn’t, I would be invited in to his home. What is he ashamed of?
        Out of all this anguish, I have one major blessing. My son wanted to adopt a child ten years ago. I prayed. It never happened. What a shame for a little child to have ten daddies or more by now.
        Bubba, better watch out! I added you to my prayer list.

        • Bubba Jones

          Thank you for adding me to your prayer list. I shall do the same for you.

          For what it’s worth, I’m 100% heterosexual. But I’ve seen the pain that shunning causes. May God bless you and your son.

      • Terri

        “Perhaps your son’s sexual inclination is no more significant than the color of his eyes.”

        Perhaps. His inclinations are immaterial. It’s his chosen behavior that matters.

        Your comments about picking and choosing Christian teaching are Protestant, not Catholic. The Catholic Church has Sacred Tradition and the Magisterium to guide in that kind of discernment. Once we deviate from the truth, we can interpret Scripture to mean anything, so it in essence becomes meaningless.

  • Bubba Jones

    Replace the terms “homosexual” and “gay” in this opinion piece with “interracial”.

    How’s it read now?

    Is it still “Christian”-like opinion, or is it something entirely different?

    • Bernie Blasnalus

      Homosexuality is a fetish or willful act like sadomasochism or alcoholism not a genetic trait like race or gender.

      • Bubba Jones

        You have no proof for that statement.

        What if you’re wrong?

        • Bernie Blasnalus

          Sure I do. Science, biology and common sense is proof of that statement. A white person cannot stop being a white person like an alcoholic can stop drinking. Remove the booze and the alcoholic can’t get drunk. You can’t remove the race of the person like you can remove the substance of alcohol from a person. The sadomasochist may feel the same kind of ‘innate’ need to be sexually abused by another person as you are trying to describe a homosexual having an innate attraction to a person of the same sex. Do you promote sadomasochism equally as you do homosexuality?

          A person can make the choice not to act on sexual urges- it is one of the human characteristics that separates us from the animals. Just because a dog may have sex with another dog in nature doesn’t make it a natural rule for us humans. That same dog will eat his own vomit- do you suggest we do that too since it is done in nature?

    • jcsmitty

      I don’t understand the comparison. There’s nothing sinful about interracial marriage as long as we’re talking about one man and one woman. What in the world is your point?

      • Bubba Jones

        People used to have the same prejudices about interracial couples. Some still do.

        So what if homosexuality is as natural and as inborn as race?

        • jcsmitty

          Interracial couples (one man and one woman) have complementary reproductive systems whereas homosexuals do not. Prejudice.against interracial marriage was wrong because it was based on skin color or ethnicity and God did not prohibit such couplings.

          The opposite is true with homosexuality. There is nothing natural about homosexuality and much evidence that homosexuality is the result of environment, conditioning, molestation by a homosexual when young, etc. In other words, there is a pathology attached to homosexuality. Until the American Psychological Association was pressured by political correctness, the APA treated homosexuality as “disordered.” .

          Despite efforts by homosexual activists to assert homosexuality is “inborn,” there is no evidence of a gay “gene.”

          Homosexuality is a “choice” whereas race or ethnicity is not. By “choice,” I’m not suggesting addiction or learned behavior is not involved. People have all kinds of addictions: to pornography, to sex with children, to all kinds of harmful behavior. We don’t accept these behaviors either.

          Fortunately, there is help available for those with addictions. Affirming people in their addictions tempts them to continue in their harmful behavior and not seek the help that’s needed.

  • Bubba Jones

    A quote from Pope Francis, yesterday:

    “When I meet a gay person, I have to distinguish between their being gay
    and being part of a lobby. If they accept the Lord and have good will,
    who am I to judge them? They shouldn’t be marginalized. The tendency [to
    homosexuality] is not the problem … they’re our brothers.”