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Love is Not a Union of Opinions

holding handsPeople have strong opinions.  And with a strong opinion comes a definite sense of being right.

Sadly, in the dating process, too many singles believe that they have not found love if they are dating someone who has different opinions.  In other words, love is about having the same opinions.

But love is the union of hearts, not opinions.  In fact, how boring life is when we are only around people who have the same opinions. Your hearts are united in mutual love and respect.  But you both have your own mind, ideas, thoughts.

Underlying this misunderstanding that it’s essential to have the same opinions, in my view, is a strong desire to be right.  More to the point, there is an unhealthy attachment to one’s personal view of the world and how things should go. From this stems (often times unnoticed) an inability to accept another person, and an unwillingness to change one’s mind based on new or different information.

I’m sure we have all encountered this type of person – a person who must be right all the time and inconsiderately squashes the opinion of another.

It’s wise to strongly reconsider dating someone you find unreasonably immovable, and how they treat you when share your opinions. If your opinion can never matter or be considered, then life with this person will be a subservient one.

Why am I even addressing this?  As you read this, you might be saying to yourself that this is pretty obvious stuff and should be a no-brainer in the dating process.  If only it were.

Unfortunately, often times this is a very subtle reality that can be overlooked by the distractions of other things, particularly feelings.  Unless the person you’re dating is an overall and obvious monster, you’re going to find many good, enjoyable, attractive things about them.  These have the power to excuse the issue regarding opinions. Often the person feeling slighted and their opinions undermined will feel guilty for feeling that way and decide they must be more “Christian” about it.

The union of two persons must include a separation of certain characteristics that make both individuals who they are. And displaying evidence that you are an “opinion squasher” has to be seen as a red flag that needs to be addressed.

The art of compromise is required.  Love prompts a natural mutual respect for each other.  Love makes you want to know the other’s opinions.  You enjoy hearing why the other disagrees, and appreciates where they’re coming from.  The differences make each other interesting to the other, and the relationship dynamic. These differences create a truly authentic and genuine love.


Anthony Buono is the author of Would You Date You? and founder of Avemariasingles.com. For thousands of Catholic singles, Anthony offers guidance, humor, understanding, and practical relationship advice.  Visit his blog at 6stonejars.com


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  • fishman

    hmmm…. opinions and facts are very different things. Some differences of opinion are just that. Others are not actually differences of opinion but a sign of types of metal or spiritual defect.
    So , should we be tolerant of the ‘opinon’ that God doesn’t exist and murder is ok?
    Or should we be adimant about that fact that God deos exist and abortion is wrong.
    Listening with respect to another person is a good thing, but at some point in time sufficent diffences of what is often called ‘opinion’ should indicate to someone that you are not compatible in your life Goals. The foremost of which should be Personal Holliness for the sake Love of God.