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Are You Dating a Terrorist?

Christian-singles-datingIn today’s troubled world, we sadly have the word “terrorist” presented to us on a regular basis.  When we hear that word, our thoughts are immediately drawn to those who perform public acts of violence and destruction with an intent to kill people.

Did you ever give any thought to the possibility that the person you are dating could be a terrorist?  They might not literally blow you up with a bomb, but there is quite a lot that can be done to harm or destroy a person on some level (whether physically, mentally, or spiritually).

The dictionary definition of the word “terrorize” is to fill or overpower with terror or anxiety, to coerce by intimidation, by threat, or by violence.  Synonyms are terrify, frighten, force, pressure, and bully.  I want to quote exactly from the Vocabulary website:

“When you terrorize someone, you act in a way that makes that person feel terrified, or full of fear. A bully might terrorize his younger victims by threatening to beat them up.  There are more and less serious ways to terrorize someone: actual terrorists, who use violence to achieve political goals, are a classic example of people who terrorize. A less grim way to terrorize might be an older sister coercing a younger brother into doing her chores by threatening to hide his favorite toys. In either case, the victim experiences some degree of fear, and the person who terrorizes feels a sense of power and control.”

Sound familiar?  Have you ever felt afraid in your relationship based on what might happen if you said or did something?  Maybe even afraid to lose the other person if you did not act on what you believe the other person wants?

There is more than one way to be a terrorist, as long as the primary objective is the same: to provoke some degree of fear.  Any presence of fear in a situation or decision is proof of some form of terrorism.

A great many relationships have the fear factor. It is a widespread fiber of many relationships because it works.  Once a relationship terrorist knows they can invoke the response they desire by instilling fear in the other, a pattern is established in the relationship dynamic that is not easy to break.  The relationship becomes about domination rather than mutual respect and compromise. Too often, it isn’t even recognized for what it is, but is accepted as normal.

A bully gets away with bullying because they can.  Once confronted and countered, a bully typically backs down. Bullies are fundamentally cowards, afraid of those who are not easily intimidated.  If you are not afraid, they cannot successfully bully. Fear is essential.

Relationships should be free of fear.  Everyone wants an open, honest relationship where both love each other enough to share everything.  But if one or both have any kind of fear of sharing those things that might make he or she vulnerable to rejection, then the relationship is not where it should be.

Remember, a person who feels safe in your love and friendship will trust you with everything that is on their mind and in their heart.  Two people in love will naturally want to share everything with the other.  It’s not forced nor felt to be needed.  They can’t help but want to.  If it’s not happening naturally, then they are afraid for some reason.  What is that reason?  Could it be that you are a terrorist?

I strongly recommend that as you pursue your romantic relationships, make it a point to talk about any fears you both might have. Do it regularly.  Discover any terrorist tactics being used and get rid of them.  They don’t have any place in a life of true love.


Anthony Buono is the author of Would You Date You? and founder of Avemariasingles.com. For thousands of Catholic singles, Anthony offers guidance, humor, understanding, and practical relationship advice.  Visit his blog at 6stonejars.com


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  • noelfitz

    I am trying to be positive, but this post again raises a fundamental problem.

    It claims domination, not mutual respect, may be the foundation of relationships, when relations should be free from fear. But we are coerced by God.

    One action can condemn us to eternal punishment, without hope of ever being relieved from excruciating pain. We are commanded to love God. There is no choice. Love me or suffer the consequences. God is meant to love us with unconditional love, but miss mass on one Sunday, without a valid reason, or masturbate once, and it is hell for all time, unless one is forgiven, but to get forgiveness criteria must be reached, including a firm purpose of avoiding sin. So if you practice and approve of contraception it is hell for you.

    But I am trying to be positive. So if God is good, all we can do is our best and hope in his mercy.