[1](With apologies to Jeff Foxworthy)
• You might be in a cult if — you have a horror of having the number 144,001 stamped on your forehead.
• You might be in a cult if — “there is more than one way to skin a cat” is a line from your liturgy.
• You might be in a cult if — discipling leaves no visible marks.
• You might be in a cult if — AK47s are standard issue for ushers.
• You might be in a cult if — more than 50% of the books in your house are from one publisher.
• You might be in a cult if — Armageddon figures prominently in your estate planning.
• You might be in a cult if — tea and cola are not allowed, but Kool-Aid is ok.
• You might be in a cult if — you shaved the face of Ultimate Reality this morning.
• You might be in a cult if — your sacred scriptures are found in the Science Fiction section of the bookstore.
• You might be in a cult if — God could be…oh, just about anybody.
Submissions for future editions of You Might Be in a Cult If… accepted, but don’t expect a calendar deal.
(© 2011 Mary Kochan)